Parenting Tips: Problems with Teenagers.

As a young mother, the term "terrible twos" instilled sheer fear into my heart. I had read about this phase of temper tantrums and the overuse of the word, "No" by my active toddler. I remember my younger son's passion for my magazine collection. Many a day, at the end of that proverbial rope, I had to pry open his little lips to retrieve bits and pieces of the daily newspaper I had still to peruse. I waited patiently for this "terrible two" phase to end and prayed fervently for him to turn three when I could once again enjoy my cute, still cuddly bundle of joy! The day did finally arrive. I was totally unprepared though, many years later, when the familiar face of the "terrible twos" resurfaced during the teenage years. There was a difference though. It would last for more than a year, a time out was basically not an option and I had become "public enemy number one". Suddenly, there was a live in stranger in my house.

Parents of teenagers, at the end of those grueling teenage years, should be awarded honors of valor and certificates of achievement. My knowledge is daily questioned, my authority challenged and nothing I say is ever the right thing. I seem to embarrass my teen by everything I do or say. I am constantly faced with the anxiety of his influences. Even though we have spoken about safe sex, alcohol and drugs, there is the ever present fear of the power of peer pressure. Toddlers we can keep an eye on, but to do so with our teenager poses a greater challenge. We just cannot be with them all the time.

I oftentimes look at those old baby photos and I can always feel that tug in my heart. It is just that, somewhere, somehow that baby boy I once cradled was gone. I remind myself about the hormonal imbalances he endures as he goes through the adolescent years; how conflicted he must be, no longer a kid but just not yet a grown up. I comfort myself with the hope that one day my son will return home and this stranger in my house would take his leave. I bask in the somewhat consoling knowledge that I was once his age, experiencing the same trials of growing up. It is one of the things that us parents need to remember if only to avail of even the smallest shred of sympathy for the stranger in the house. Let's face it, growing up can be tough, even rough for some kids. So often they face identity crises, not sure who they are and where they fit in. They are experiencing changes in their bodies while trying to cope with raging hormones and emotional conflicts. Growing up can be difficult, even stressful. One of the most important things is somehow to keep the lines of communication open. Get to know their friends; meet the friends' parents. We can never be too involved in their progress at school or interested in their extra curricular activities. Though the stranger in the house is moody, sulky and sometimes downright distant, we have to just be there for them. They may hate us all the more for boundaries set, and even moreso for our enforcement of the consequences for breaking said boundaries, but it is a necessity. Just as a toddler has a time out for his little temper tantrum, so too does my teenager, the stranger in my house who just won't leave, has the price to pay for flagrant breaking of the household rules.

Each child must find himself; his place in society. His path to adulthood is change. It is a necessary change. Maybe it is my fear of losing my baby boy and the fact that he does not need me as much as before. That is every parent's nightmare. Indeed, we simply want to cling to that cuddly bundle of joy, forever. Fact is that they do grow up.

We can train our child in the way he or she should go, but ultimately it is up to our teenager to choose his or her path, just as we did. If we have taught life's lessons well, been fine examples and offered our child love and support, then we need not worry, at least not too much. Remember that patience is virtue. One day, with hormones in check, a more mature perspective on life and perhaps with a deeper appreciation of our parental efforts, our teen shall return "home". That day, we can say farewell to the stranger in the house. Yes, his departure will more than likely occur. Then and only then will we once again enjoy a treasured relationship with our teen or later, young adult.