Sometimes Being Alone Is NOT A Bad Thing
81
- Amazon.com: Loving Yourself: Four Steps to a Happier You (9781573249249): Daphne Rose Kingma: Books
Amazon.com: Loving Yourself: Four Steps to a Happier You (9781573249249): Daphne Rose Kingma: Books
A dear friend of mine always complains of being lonely and not having a significant other. She constantly laments, "I am so tired of doing this life alone." Her arguments, though valid, are flawed in my eyes. Don't get me wrong, it is great to have a life companion, children running down the corridors, and a home filled with love and laughter. Yet slices of alone time are an undeniable necessity for each of us. Ask the mother of young children, preschoolers and toddlers who yearn for moments of peace and quiet and any opportunity to bask in the ambience of one's own self.
Some of us would sacrifice just about anything for a relationship, even staying in an unhealthy union as a means to escape the dreadful curse of the bachelor/bachelorette status! Some spouses are abused, mentally and physically, cheated on, mistreated and yet they would argue. "What will I do without him or her?" Many stay in an unhappy alliance feeling unfulfilled and frustrated, yet the prospect of being alone, is that one thing that keeps them entrapped in the unhealthy relationship. How often have we heard or said the phrase, "I can't do it by myself."
A very important factor that we often forget is the importance of learning to live and appreciate self. Before we live with someone else, it is a wise course of action to learn to find first ourselves and thereafter, enjoy the wonders of that new found self. I think that I am a better wife, this time around because I gave myself the time to grow on my own. Yes, I owe a great deal to my spell of alone time as a love relation-less single mom. I became independent and grew as an individual. I made things happen. I cared for myself and my children, accepting that it was my primary responsibility. Back then I enjoyed my time alone though admittedly, there were times I yearned for male companionship. Coming in from a hard day's work, to a quiet home was therapeutic. It was a therapy that I truly needed. To fill those lonely times and that void in my life, I started to pursue my passions and eventually found my true purpose. Not being in a relationship then, also offered me the time and leisure to rekindle and strengthen my relationships. By the time I remarried, I had so much more to bring to the marital table.
A question for the one faced with being alone again, "Where were you before him or her? What is the fear of being alone more than a fear of self insufficiency or a lack of self confidence? Maybe this fear of being alone has a monetary value? You are concerned with the valid matter of one income versus two. If that is why you stay, recalculate that budget. Perhaps its the challenge of lonely, cold nights. Find a hobby, for Pete's sake; read a book, learn to scrapbook or quilt, and strengthen friendships. If you are worried about getting old and not being able to find another partner, remember that there is someone for everyone and that love sees past age and time. Self growth will serve to prepare for Mr or Ms Right when he or she comes strolling along. Take the time to get familiar with yourself and to find the power within you. If you can be strong, assertive and happy by yourself, think how much better prepared you shall be when you find that special someone to share it all with.
Sometimes alone is not a bad thing, but rather an opportunity to explore the power and strength of self. It is the key to finding one's true potential. It is during this alone time that we can come to terms with who we are as individuals, realizing our strengths and weaknesses. Before we share our life with a significant other, let's learn to enjoy the time spent with ourselves.
Have you asked yourself out lately?
- Living Alone: How to Love Living Independently
If you're newly on your own and finding it hard to adjust, here are some ideas to help.
vote upvote downshareprintflag
- Useful (8)
- Funny
- Awesome (5)
- Beautiful (3)
- Interesting (3)
CommentsLoading...
Thank you Debbie for your comment. I too have been there and it helped having a positive attitude about it and moreso using that time alone as an opportunity to invest in myself. All the best to you!
So many people jump into relationships before they truly know themselves... So many relationships fail and people don't understand why. Being happy alone is a requirement for being able to be happy with someone else. Good insight.
So very true. It is very necessary to get to know oneself. Thanks for the comment!
You are absolutely right.It is imperative that a person have some alone time.That is the time when you truly learn who you are.You do not have that kind of time when you are surrounded by people always needing your attention.
I have been there in a manor of speaking.And the one thing I have learned over time is that you need space.You need to invest in your self before you invest in someone else.Otherwise you have nothing to bring to any relationship.
Your words are very true. The only way to truly be able to be OK as a couple is if each person is OK alone yet are choosing to be part of that couple.
love this...its so true ! i still love doing things by myself sometimes. I love to go to the movies alone. I have some of the best times alone. I even take myself out to dinner. I have been married over 20 years now, I think it works because we both enjoy having time with just ourself sometime. Space is the key I think. enjoy yourself, then others will enjoy you !
Love anything you write Chica. I hope to see you again one of these days so we can catch up! Love you.
....you certainly know how to put together a very thoughtful and provocative hub which makes your readers think and feel - and you have the mastered the 'art' of communication - I am your willing student to learn from you and to become enlightened!
Excellent hub!
It should also be noted that being alone does not mean a person is "lonely".
"A very important factor that we often forget is the importance of learning to live and appreciate self. Before we live with someone else, it is a wise course of action to learn to find first ourselves and thereafter, enjoy the wonders of that new found self." (Very good advice"
With over 6 Billion people on the planet and numerous options to connect with one another we are practically living in a time where (not dating) is personal choice. If one is able to be "happy" regardless of their relationship status they're likely to attract others. Everyone wants to be around "positive" people who have a zest for life!
At this stage of my life (recently celebrated my 68th birthday), I did not expect to be alone. I married and divorced (three times, to be exact). During the nearly 20 years that I remained single during my middle years (30 to 50), I had several happy long-term relationships but decided not to marry. All in all, I would say that my love life has been full--not always happy, in the case of my marriages, but very happy otherwise.
Now, I am reconciled to being alone for the remainder of my life for more than one reason. First, I have always enjoyed a certain amount of solitude. I love to read, rarely ever watch TV, am not an "outdoorsy" or "sports" person, and have become a stay-at-home person much more than a traveler.
Also, I have some physical challenges caused by arthritis, and I don't think those online "dating services" have a question for men asking, "Is it okay if the woman in your life has limited mobility and can't go for long walks?" I think not! But that's okay with me.
I'm pretty set in my ways at this stage. I enjoy doing what I want to do without the need to compromise. Had I lived most of my life with a mate and developed the skills for a mutually-satisfactory method of compromise, this would probably not be an issue. However, I didn't, and it is. I don't have as much money as I had before retirement, but what I do have is MINE, and I don't want to ask another person if it's okay how I use it.
This even extends to eating when and what I want to eat (no meat or dairy, thank you very much) without regard for someone else's preferences on a daily basis.
If I want to read all night and then sleep in the next morning, there's no reason why I can't
Besides, I have a wonderful little dog who accepts me just as I am and provides me with terrific companionship.
Being "alone" does not necessarily mean "lonely." I am alone (no romantic relationship), but am not lonely. I realize that my life stage contributes to my status, but believe that it's the individual whose innate sense of self is the determinant factor. I have women friends who cannot bear to be alone, and will live in an unhappy marriage or relationship to avoid it.
As with many other things in life, it begins with the individual.
Jaye
I agree Michele, it's necessary for everyone for at least some point to develop their self so that way when the time comes they will know how to appreciate their spouse - and to know if that spouse is treating them right back. I've known too many great girls that are/have/will be in unhealthy relationships that consist of ridicule, hatred, and sometimes even physical abuse.
It's sad because it seems I've lost a lot of opportunities with these quality females, but unfortunately it's out of my control and I know that now. I've always tried to help in direct, but also indirect, ways. In the end, it's up to them to get out and then they can be rewarded afterwards. I just hope that more often these trouble spouses start to realize their value and potential so they can live life so much fully and freely. Not having to rely on another person as a crutch, even if that crutch very well may slip out from under them and lean against another person - if you get what I mean.
What a wonderful hub and such an inspiration to all those who fear being lonely.
I have had good relationships but for each I chose not to marry. Basically because I did not feel that the guys I knew were right for me and I wasn't right for them. I made a decision very early in life, that unless I met a man who I did feel was the right one, I wouldn't have children, as I felt this would be totally unfair on any kids. I'm old fashioned enough to believe that wherever possible, kids should have the normal Mum and Dad looking after them together.
So most of my life - I'm 49 now - has been alone. But I have a very good and fulfilling life. Sure there are many moments when I wish I had been a wife and mother, but this wasn't to be and I accept it. But there is no need for anyone to fear being alone - especially today, where there are so many outlets for single/lonely people to go and meet others. I think your hub will go along way to dispel the fears of many people and to show that life does go, is enjoyable even when you are alone.
Many thanks for sharing.
Thanks for visiting, sharing and for your kind comments. I totally agree with you that "singlehood" can be good and fulfilling. I have many friends who remained single, excelled in their careers/professions and were able to travel and enjoy their freedoms as single men and women. Their lives were rewarding still. It is really highly dependent on one's mindset. All the best to you in your endeavors and keep writing !!
I happened upon this hub.... I don't know how.
It is SO interesting, true, and taken seriously, helpful.
At 65, I'm now alone, by choice. Alone, physically. Being 'forced' to retire, my husband of 45yrs and I began arguing over any and everything..... including the time of day!!
We're on 1/3 acre, with a rental in the back. So, here I am! My health isn't 'topnotch' and he's within reach, our love is NOT gone, I love him MORE than ever. He, of course, pays the bills. I don't cook (yay!!), he brings me dinner everynight, drives me all over town, does my laundry etc, but ...... without ARGUING!!
I've learned more about myself in the last 2yrs than I had in the previous 60+ years. I can whatever whenever!!
Thank you for such a good useful, thought provoking hub!
Things happen for a reason ~ that's WHY I found this hub, not HOW!
I voted clear across the board and UP!
Thank you again!!
That's true, we have to love ourselves before we love others. It's alright to put ourselves first when it comes to self-love. Voted up.
Excellent hub which has a lot of wisdom words to shared.
Very nice hub Michele - better happy alone than miserable with someone else - and the latter all too often happens - it is a waste of time yearning for what we don't have instead of appreciating what we do - B.
Are you in a relationship, yet lonely?
See results without voting
gitrdun4444 13 months ago
Good hub! I enjoyed reading it, as I see myself in it for sure. Voted up & useful ~ Thanks! Debbie