Dating Advice: If It's True Love Why Would Your Boyfriend Back Off ?

So your man has finally said those three words you have been dying to hear. He took your hands, paused for what seemed an eternity, looked you dead in the eyes and then while you waited with baited breath, he whispers, "I love you babe and I can't live without you." Amidst the fluttering of your heart, the tears and the quivering of your lips, you try to regain some semblance of composure before you return your vows of commitment. As he drives away that evening, you call all your girlfriends to share the wonderful news. You can already see the future, ever so clearly, with its intimate wedding, little love shack, white picket fence, a couple babies running around and the prospect of sharing the rest of your life with the man who said without a stutter, "I love you". Why then the sudden, unprovoked change two days later? What makes your lover-boy start his slow retreat, like receding flood waters? Why does he send you mixed messages; one minute the "I love you's" and the next, what seems like a, "please leave me the hell alone."

What happens to our guys? Why the unexpected "pulling away" or otherwise, "pushing us away"? My dearest friend had a similar experience. There has been someone in her life for a very long time and they not only had great chemistry but were the best of friends for years. Everytime the relationship advanced and she expected a commitment, he would sabotage both their efforts. His reason was always the same, a flimsy, "Too much, too soon". After much deliberation, we decided that her prospect was simply afraid of commitment. He was fine up to the point of expressing his feelings but apparently after she started sharing about what she was dreaming of for their future, subjects like settling down, marriage or children, he would systematically start finding the most bizarre reasons why they would not work out, which ultimately would lead to a premature end of the relationship. My friend dealt with that for several years until she made the right decision, to leave him the hell alone. He was an "eternal bachelor". He was afraid of the steps that followed the professing of their love for each other. In his little mind and heart, he probably had strong feelings of affection for her, but he did not have enough to take the relationship into the "exclusive stage". He was scared of marriage, commitment and losing his status as an eligible bachelor. I firmly believe that with some serious counseling, an eternal bachelor could overcome his fear of commitment and eventually become a viable prospect and winner at love.

Then there are the guys who are our timeless users. You know the type. They are the ones on those dating sites especially, quick to pledge their love, via the internet!! How insane is that? Is it really possible to fall in love with someone you have never met? Anyway, Mr. LoverBoy claims to love you online, either before you meet or immediately after the first date. Question you need to answer? What is he really after? This guy therefore, if a TIMELESS USER, will go for "the honey", if you know what I mean, and soon afterwards, start slowly withdrawing. Suddenly it's a sob story, "I don't think this is going to work out after all" or "you are perfect but not for me". What happened to all his profestations of love, you are left wondering. If he is a total scum bag, he may simply stop texting, calling, emailing or block you completely from his profile. Then tomorrow you will find his profile on anther site as he lurks for his next gullible prey. So, a gentle reminder, sisters, stop "putting out" too soon!! Save yourself from possible heartache. Beware of the guy who professes his love too soon and be cautious of how you conduct those initial dates!!

My final category is Mr. Oops did I say, I love you? Mr Oops is a sweet guy. You have been going out with him for a while. You two have a great relationship. He loves to hang out with you and everytime you are together, everything seems so right. It was on one of those occasions. You were having a wonderful time enjoying the most stunning of sunsets after an evening of frolicking on the seashore. You shared a couple glasses of wine, some slices of fruit and cheeses and you both were enthralled by the sounds of the crashing of the waves against the shore. The golden rays highlighted your hair and eyes, just right. He looked into those said eyes and couldn't imagine life without you and then came those three, little words, that would change everything, "I love you". In the excitement and without skipping a beat, you reassure him that you love him too. Whatever happened the next day you might ask, when all your calls go unanswered? You are startled to find three days later, when you get together with some friends for a friendly game of pool, that your man pretends like if nothing had happened. You start to wonder if maybe you had consumed too much wine, and that it never happened after all. Or maybe, it was all a dream? Perhaps, your mind was playing tricks on you, you decide. He is still cordial. He talks and laughs with you, but about that exchange of "I love you", there is no mention. Girlfriends, sadly, this is a case of, "Ooops, did I say I love you?" Your guy unfortunately got caught up in the beauty of a moment. It felt like the right thing to say, but it was a premature verbal ejaculation. There is hope though, for Mr. Ooops. He is still a contender. I am unsure as to if its a good idea bringing up the subject. If you choose to, just remind him of how much you enjoyed that evening and see what he brings up. At least, you still have his friendship, for now.

So there can be a few reasons why your guy makes off just after the pledge of love as if he was being chased by a cheetah. We must identify which category he falls into. I guess that the most important thing is to determine as soon as possible, whether our prospect is a Mr. Eternal Bachelor, the TImeless User or Mr Ooops did I say, I love you. One thing is for sure and that is, love is a doing or action word. Anyone can say I love you but showing that love is another story. Whenever we are told, "I love you", let's give it time to take effect. Since true love is supposed to be eternal, does not fade and stands the test of time, give your man an opportunity to digest what he has professed and then time to back it up by actions. I think that most of us ladies can become too over zealous at times. We tend to be propelled by our emotions while guys can be more analytical. While we are all caught up in the afterglow of the "I love you", he is probably trying to process how its going to change his life.

Give relationships the time to mature, like cheese or wine. Over time, both parties, if true to each other, will get to know what each other really wants. Over time, you find out if you are indeed compatible. Over time you realize whether or not you have found the recipe to true love in each other. I am not against the concept of love at first sight, but I believe that it is a rarity. Whatever you do, take the time to weed out the undesirables. There is no room in your life for the Mr. Eternal Bachelors and Mr. Timeless Users of the world. Keep Mr. Oops did I say I love you around as a friend, keeping in mind that he may or may not ever come around. This guy may be a friend forever, so keep looking !